Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean that someone is going to be around forever, life happens. more: When To Say ‘I Love You’ For The First Time. If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…, The second problem will undermine whatever relationship you have if it’s allowed to fester and destroy your relationship from the inside, so read this right now or risk your relationship because at some point he starts to lose interest. And he does. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. And maybe you’re feeling really tempted to say “I love you!” – maybe it feels like it’s there in the relationship he just hasn’t said it yet. Now, the point needs to be made – every person is different. no one should ever be restricted of things especially of ones feelings. Tactfully, he told me that “I love you” was thrown about so much these days, that he didn’t feel it really meant as much. It takes your relationship to a new level. Rules make you act differently and unnatural in a relationship – they make you think you have to do weird things to keep the ‘upper hand’. Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean that someone is going to be around forever, life happens. : If you're hearing, "I love you," from the other person and you're really excited by the proclamation of emotion, but you just can't say it yet, then there are things you can do to show your affection while taking your time and not saying it until you… I’ve gotten this question from women who have read a million magazine articles and taken a million quizzes and just aren’t sure whether it’s ok to say it first or not. Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not……, Tagged as: i’d say you wait for him. tell him how you feel and then see what his response will be. The word carries a … if you don’t feel too comfortable doing it, then maybe you can wait a bit more or subtly try to talk about the topic. hello, it doesn’t even matter who says what and not! Remember what I said about acting unnaturally in a relationship? it’s best not to focus on just the words, but rather to focus on the quality of the relationship. Hello YouTube world! However, Marie Claire dating columnist Rich Santos counters that men might be holding back on making that first move for fear of not hearing "I love you" in return. I hope this article helped you figure out whether to say I love you first or not. who nows, once you say the 3 words, hell start saying them to you too..?? whoever feels comfortable saying it may do so. While certainly making them resent the words, “I love you” because when they do say it, it will be coming from a place of pressure and fear rather than love. I would generally say that it’s better for the guy to say it to you first. you should feel comfortable with your man and be able to say what you want and how you really feel. It seems to me that there are three parts to this question. Learn about us. it’s never an issue who says it first for me. Let’s take them one at a time. We have hung out a few times since and things are still good, but it lingers in the back of my mind. The words ‘I love you’ mean something different to every single person and every situation and relationship is different. And what happened? When a woman says ‘I love you’ first, if he’s not ready, it creates pressure and expectations (that aren’t there as intensely when a guy says it first to a woman) that cause tension and complications in the relationship. It sucks to admit it, but I don’t think I handled those situations well. I’ve mentioned this before, but anyone looking for ‘rules’ about relationships is generally not going to be in the best command of their relationships. Saying “I love you” for the first time in a new relationship seems like such a big deal. Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not…, more: 3 Ways To Find Out Whether Someone Truly Loves You. understanding men, I’ll be honest; I used to be somone who placed great importance upon the phrase “I love you.”. tell him how you feel. The reason why it doesn’t go well is because generally those 3 words mean more coming from the guy first than coming from the woman. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. You’re mentally and physically exhausted from all the crying but just can’t stop thinking about this. If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…, Want to find out if he loves you? So what runs through his head when he hears them? when you think the relationship has really blossomed and both of you are comfortable w/ each other, i believe you can say the 3 magic words even before he does. No two people are alike. you can wait until you can’t help to but be ready for whatever his response may be…it’s a risk but i believe it’s worth taking anyway. She's amazing, and shows me love in lots of ways. He’d said that he’d told his ex that he’d loved her because she wanted to hear it. Not a tit for tat kinda thing, just don't want her feeling pressured. Why wouldn’t you, when trying to verbally express feelings can potentially lead to a semantic minefield? who knows, he’s just shy to say it that you might not like it…?? but what if you’re waiting for “nothing” in the end? When it comes to a romantic attachment to someone, one of the things that scare a person is saying I love you and not hearing it back. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by Mojo Media, Inc. how do guys respond when a woman says “I love you” first? So the real question is, how do guys respond when a woman says “I love you” first? Here are 10 tips you need to keep in mind before saying ‘I love you’ for the first … Some people use a substitute phrase to fill in the awkward space after being told “I love you.” It may be “Me, too,” or “Back ‘atcha,” or “You know.” … Do you feel love from him? People leave, and whilst that doesn’t make their relationships invalid, it sort of makes the statement redundant. Maybe you’re with a guy and you feel like things are going really well. It just feels good to be in the relationship – without expectations and without tension. So perhaps a woman should make that move. You may unsubscribe at any time. The Top 7 Reasons Why Men Leave The Women They Love, The 5 Steps To Keep A Man In Love With You Forever, Exactly What Men Really Need From a Woman, 3 Ways To Find Out Whether Someone Truly Loves You, These 8 Indisputable Signs Mean He’s In Love With You, When To Say ‘I Love You’ For The First Time, Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Love You” Quiz right now and figure out whether the man you are with loves you or not……. Instead, it’s better to take a look at why you need to hear those specific words. for me, it doesn’t matter who says it first as long as you’re being real. I’d been back home with my family over Christmas, away for a couple of nights. Just can’t bring myself to say it first. if you are dating a man, you should be comfortable enough to say how you feel. 7. Is your relationship happy? They’re not ‘magic words’ that will overhaul and revitalize your entire relationship – they only mean as much as both people put into them independently. When you’re keen on someone, those words often ring as a rite of passage into deeper intimacy—a relationship milestone on high. Speaking from experience, and from my understanding of how relationships work, I can say that generally… it’s better to let him say it first. more: These 8 Indisputable Signs Mean He’s In Love With You. That is exactly what we are going to help you out with today. We love our partners, but saying ‘I love you too’ day in and day out can be, well, kind of monotonous. Let me explain why. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. for me it doesn’t matter if i’ll be the first to say “i love you”… if i really feel it, i will say it. relationship rules, men don’t care if you often say “i love you” or not, all that matters to them is that both parties are enjoying the relationship. Do you feel good around him? this is such a big deal so it’s better coming from him w/ out yous asking for it or pushing it, if you two really love each other, who says it first shouldn’t even be an issue. He held me tighter and said “you really mean the absolute world to me”. Saying ‘I love you’ and not hearing back is probably a lover’s biggest nightmare. love and relationships, First of all, don’t focus on trying to get him to say it first. generally… it’s better to let him say it first. He doesn’t need to hear it, generally speaking. I have done everything short of saying “I love you” to see if he will say it. In other words, to the grand majority of guys, he’s happy if the relationship is good. this may depend on your personality and how you two work things out. At the end of the day, guys want to be in a relationship that feels good, not one where they’re playing by a set of ‘rules’ (that most of them don’t even recognize or necessarily even know). That pressure feels really bad to him – it creates all sorts of expectations and uncertainty around a single moment, and he generally doesn’t know what to do next… even if he’s ready and he actually loves her. Ask yourself why hearing him say those three little words is so important to you.. Before you go about trying to figure out why he can't tell you in three words that he loves you, it's important that you take time to figure out why a verbal declaration of love is so important to you. This naturally threw me off base for a few. you idon’thave to wait for him to tell you, some men are not very vocal of their feelings. I did, within a few months. some men are just too shy, yu can always wait. When I returned to my boyfriend and we’d settled in bed for the night, he held me close, and told me that the bed felt empty without me. Often, it feels like the issue is being forced. This advice isn’t going to cover every possible situation, but generally it’s the best rule of thumb to follow. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. If you feel that he said it too soon, then maybe you're not ready to say it back or maybe you just don't feel the same way, and that's okay. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? © Mojo Media, Inc. 2020  All rights reserved. I wouldn’t have wanted to hear anything else. sure you can say ‘i love you’ first. i would rather do something than wait. While you shouldn't take too many love lessons from a show that whisks contestants around the globe to exotic destinations and spoils them with food, drink, and dates featuring bungee jumping and horseback riding, saying "I love you" and not hearing it back is something many of us fear. Whereas when you act naturally and don’t worry about the ‘rules’ in a relationship things flow much more smoothly. If a guy feels like things aren’t natural, and that you’re acting on some sort of hidden agenda (like following the rules of a relationship as you see them) it will weird him out – his guard will go up instantly. saying I love you first, This is a bit of stereotypical situation, but it does happen—sometimes, you say “I love you” and your partner can only muster a “thank you.” It doesn’t mean they don’t love you in return or will never be capable of loving you… The first is, “what is going on with my girlfriend not saying ‘I love you’ back to me when I said it to her and this ‘more time’ stuff? But if he doesn’t say it back, it doesn’t have to be the end. The words ‘I love you’ mean something different to every single person and every situation and relationship is different. Take your time, build the romance and say it at the right moment. Women should only say the "L" word first if they are prepared to let their partners go should the response prove to be less than desirable. And when a guy’s guard is up, that will stop trust and intimacy from developing in the relationship, and sabotage things before they have a chance to begin. If you think about relationships in terms of following the ‘rules’ rather than acting naturally and enjoying yourself with another person, it’s going to wind up hurting you. Saying "I love you" isn't like shaking hands — you don't just have to do it back when someone reaches out to you first. He explained that he’d rather show how he feels. They parted ways after four years or so. It’s less about whether or not he’s said it, and more about how your relationship functions in general. It’s best not to focus on just the words – but rather to focus on the quality of the relationship. When I first said "I love you" to my boyfriend, I said it at the end of phone conversations, right before I hung up—I knew he wasn't yet at his own "I love you" threshold, and so I said it at a time when he wouldn't have to say it back, and could think about what I had said on his own. People leave, and whilst that doesn’t make their relationships invalid, it sort of makes the statement redundant. don’t focus on trying to get him to say it first. Set up romantic retreats, and every night is the same. There are dysfunctional, terrible, unhappy relationships where the partners say ‘I love you’ all the time, and there are great, caring, loving relationships where neither party says ‘I love you’. His reply was entirely rational (everything about him is, it’s both frustrating and refreshing). Many women wonder what’s going through a guy’s head when he hears it for the first time in a relationship. Like I said before, that unnaturalness will get him to put his guard up, and delay or even completely stop love from developing in your relationship. What does it mean to say it first? If things aren’t going well with him, remember – him saying 3 words to you isn’t going to change anything about how you function together. If you say it too early into a relationship, you may make the whole thing feel trivial, like you’re used to saying ‘I love you’ to anyone you date. When you keep that in mind, and focus on making your relationship as loving, caring, and positive as it can be, the words ‘I love you’ will grow naturally as a byproduct. Obviously, saying (or not saying) "I love you" doesn't have to be scary, or even that big of a deal for every couple. Are you comfortable with each other and around each other? If you’re in this situation, you’re probably feeling a little panicked right now. It's scary to put yourself out there like that, especially if you're not 100 percent sure that your partner feels the same way. I absolutely do. It doesn’t matter as much for most guys to hear those words from a woman – they just don’t carry the same weight that they do when a woman hears them from a man. Every night before bed I get a kiss and a goodnight and I lay there wondering why he’s not saying it, feeling it. When a woman says ‘I love you’ first, it creates instant pressure on the guy – ‘Am I going to say it back or not?’. For guys, hearing the words ‘I love you’ generally isn’t the big important thing it is for women. i think it’s ok but i would wait until the man says the 3 words first. why would you wait, anyway? and you're not ready to say it back! they will somehow ‘lose power’ and ‘put him in the driver’s seat’ if they say it first. you can always say what you want especially to your man. i don’t believe a woman will somehow ‘lose power’ and ‘put him in the driver’s seat’ if she say it first… you can tell him you love him if you really feel it and if you’re also sure that he loves you! However, if you're unsure, you can take time to think about how you feel. yeah, why not? That agenda might be following relationship ‘rules’ that you read in a magazine, or it might be trying to do things to “get” him to say ‘I love you’ first. wait a bit more while you give him signs and hints on how important it is for you to hear the magic words. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. Guys are most happy and excited to be in a relationship when the relationship is going well – when both parties are happy and enjoying themselves. Saying I love you for the first time. doesn’t matter who says it first as long as you’re being true to yourself. He may be saying "I love you" because that's really how he feels. dating advice, do as you please. Good luck. I do not know how to feel about this. you are definitely free to say it first if you feel like it. I’d ask him if he was comfortable with me telling him that I loved him, and asked (cautiously) why he never does. Or should you wait for them to say it? That always comes from having a hidden agenda that you’re trying to achieve in the relationship with him. Should you say “I love you” first in your relationship? Just not saying the actual words right now which is ok. Should I stop telling her till she says it to me back? The reason being is that to us, the saying of it isn’t a big deal in it of itself. it all depends on how you both are doing in the relationship. Words aren’t actions – him saying those 3 words won’t change what he’s actually doing, it won’t change how he thinks of you, and it won’t change the way you are together. After all, how many friends do you have that have been in horrible relationships (that you knew were gonna fall apart before long) where they still said ‘I love you’ to each other? I won’t lie, it stung not to hear it back. relationship advice, You've been anticipating this moment? You don't want saying "I love you" to be a moment that feels pressuring to your partner — you want to say it because you feel it, and give them the space to say it back when they're ready. Before you decide what you’re going to do next, you need to know about the pivotal moment in any relationship that determines if you get to live happily ever after or he leaves you so pay attention to this next step because it’s vitally important: At some point he will ask himself is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? Many woman bring up the concern that they will somehow ‘lose power’ and ‘put him in the driver’s seat’ if they say it first. I wanted to share with you the first time I actually heard my husband say "I love you". And he does. Love is about getting the same message across in new and different ways. He explained that he’d rather show how he feels. :). be yourself and just be honest, you can wait, but if you feel like it’s been a while then it’s definitely cool to say it first. Shows me love in lots of ways out a few him first so you can if... Remember what I said about acting unnaturally in a relationship, when trying to in... 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