I don't think he doesn't love me — I just don't understand why he won't say it out loud. I've always been one to let the man take the lead in this department, and it's starting to worry me that he hasn't said it or even hinted at it yet. its like the story my grandma cut out of the paper years ago. It’s an important message that isn’t to be used so lightly. Just click here…, Emma Golding For some it's really easy to accept, for others it's really complicated. I Cheated on My Boyfriend With His Best Friend, "My Boyfriend Acts Like He's Still in College", I Never Want to Have Sex With My Boyfriend. Make sure he actually treats you better every day. You asked why, if he is so unhappy, is "he still committed to this breakup?" I worry that I’m being too eager. My heart loves him so much so I forgave him. We align on so much in terms of family and lifestyle, but here’s the hitch: he hasn’t said, ‘I love you.’ I said it six months ago. I'm not insecure about that part of his life. I need advice on the following please: You know how they say “you don’t know what you have until you see it lost”? But, man, guys just love to say that sort of thing — half the time because they're trying to be "a good guy" and, supposedly, not hurt you. It’d be really embarrassing if he doesn’t say it back. 5. Well I have been with my boyfriend for like … She always says it back over the phone when we are verbally talking. Is there a certain amount of time that should pass before you tell your significant other that you love them? He never even gave me reason. It's an interesting way of phrasing things — as if he's chosen to commit to the breakup instead of you. Cosmopolitan participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. Well every couple of days when he was leaving my house he would say it. But that doesn't mean we should get back together with our exes. I've never said I love you first. For example, for me its really complicated and really bloody difficult but for my boyfriend it was easy. Say “Thank you.” Don’t say I love you in that moment because you do not feel it at that time. I should probably note that this is his first serious relationship after breaking up with an ex who he was with for about 10 years. First lets be clear, if he doesn’t stick up for you, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. I told my boyfriend that I loved him. I don’t want to get stuck in an unrequited love situation and I don’t know how long I can stay with someone who doesn’t love me. The majority of men don’t like to say ‘I love you’ first. I won't be offended. After a decade-long relationship, your boyfriend is being cautious. He shows me he loves me, but is that enough? I’m scared of being rejected and would be mortified if it happened. I’ve never had to make the first move with a guy and I don’t know if I should be waiting until he says it first or what. Should I Stay With My Boyfriend if He Doesn't Love Me? If your boyfriend suddenly starts hiding things from you, it’s a sign that he … “My boyfriend and I have been together for one year, and we are starting to have conversations about the future. What do I do? I find him hard to read and if he hasn’t said it yet then maybe he won’t say it at all. I am 30 years old and single. But let's ignore the smoking and the drinking (you won't be in a position to be a good friend until you rebuild your friendship) and the words coming out of his mouth, and look at his actions instead: He broke up with you and hasn't said that he wants to get back together. Most men like to avoid controversy, so if he defends you, that’s big and it’s definitely his way of saying, “I love you.” 7. Since you say, "He never even gave me a reason," I bet the answer is nothing. Ways to Get Romantic, 16 Stupidly-Simple Things All Women Want in Bed. Love is a feeling that takes time to grow, but if I’m feeling love towards him at this point, shouldn’t he be feeling it too? It might happen naturally, and that’s okay—but if you’re really … I can see why you're confused: Your boyfriend broke up with you after four years, then told you that you're his "only true best friend" and that he's "still in love" with you? No one gets into a marriage thinking that some day it is going to end. • I love the time we spend together • That’s sweet • … Emma is a freelance writer, editor, and owner of thethoughtjournal.com, DMCA Policy It may feel that way, but, like everyone else, he probably had complicated reasons for wanting to break out on his own — and sometimes that's hard to explain. He can say it when he means it and not before. Sometimes I find it hard to tell if he really loves me or not. A month before his birthday, he took me ring shopping and I got him a very special birthday gift. It doesn't sound like he's any happier now, so why is he still committed to this breakup? What do I do if I don't want to say it first? Im a paranoid person. It sounds like you've got this guy figured out. A major red flag in a relationship is when a partner won’t say “I love you.” Sure, it takes longer for certain people to open up and show their true feelings, but when does it become too long? They make you a priority. For better or worse, he seems to need the independence. It’s not silly for you to care. it was about a women who complained that her husband hadn't said I love you in years. Hi Dr Matt: I'm Chelsea from Chattanooga. Should I be worried about our relationship? Im 20 hes 21. But I do think that it might have something to do with him not being ready to say the words yet. Not seeing the text message is not an excuse. We do most everything together, have a lot of fun, and he treats me like gold. If you told your partner that you love them and they didn't say it back to you, check their expression and body language. Do most people wait a few weeks or months before saying it or do they just say it when it feels right? If you feel ready to say you love your boyfriend, and you think he might be ready to say it back (or at least it won't send him running for the hills), go for it! Or wait. I don’t want him to lie to me. But for guys, saying “I love you” the first few times is important. Relationships can bear a lot of different inequalities, but caring and loving are not one of them. If he hasn't changed, you have no reason to believe that he won't do the same thing — or worse — again. It's a huge step. It's definitely exhausting. This, at least, should send a clear message. Kennesaw State University. Only say the words when you truly mean with every visceral part of your heart.. We’re in the 21st century, we … It really hurt me probably for the first year and a half because I really wanted to hear it, but ultimately I decided that it wasn’t a deal breaker and to let it go, because he SHOWED me in … The first is, “what is going on with my girlfriend not saying ‘I love you’ back to me when I said it to her and this ‘more time’ stuff? I don't think his mom or dad has really EVER said it to him. I’ve felt pressured into telling people I love them in the past when I really didn’t and I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that. Beyond that, compatibility and understanding matters more than anything else. We both cried. My Wife Doesn't Say I Love You Back: Wife Stopped Saying I Love You. Lately he hasn't. 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It turns out my predicament is a fairly common one. 17 Life Struggles Of Women Who Are Naturally Loud, Your Drunk Self Is Your Truest Self, Science Says, You Know You’re In An Almost Relationship If You’re Sending Him These Texts, 14 Little Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Manipulation, What’s Your Hottest Quality? What if he never says it? He makes loving gestures and says lovely things to me. Uttering those words is a big step in a relationship and it’s a form of commitment, so maybe he’s afraid to commit to me at this time. Regan Grillo. He Doesn't Say "I Love You" Anymore? It took my boyfriend 3 years to say “I love you” and I’ve talked about it many times on here. Men who know they aren't in it for the long haul and who also know that you're falling … [Read: The different stages of love for guys] If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t express his romantic side as often as you’d like him to, it doesn’t mean he’s getting bored of you. 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